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February 10, 2003
Blix Makes Deal with Iraq for Miraculous Bean Seeds

(2003-02-10) -- Chief U.N. weapons inspector Hans Blix said he was "cautiously optimistic" after Iraq agreed to allow U-2 reconnaissance flights and to pass a law against weapons of mass destruction.

But the changed attitude of Saddam Hussein's regime is perhaps best illustrated by a new agricultural agreement with the United Nations.

The UN will give Iraq thousands of French and Belgian cattle. In return, the UN will receive "a handful of bean seeds developed by Iraqi scientists," Mr. Blix said.

"They're not just ordinary seeds," he added. "I have been assured by the Iraqi government that they are magic beans."

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) immediately filed a protest claiming that the cattle would be used by Mr. Hussein as "bovine shields" to discourage U.S. missile attacks.

by Scott Ott | Donate | | Comments (12) | More Satire | Printer-Friendly
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magic beans! excellent! but, as i seem to recall, north korea recently offered the same commodity to an unofficial u.s. spokesman. perhaps the axis of evil is really the axis of magic beans? it does give one pause.

Posted by: bob at February 10, 2003 11:23 PM

I thought the story said they were derived from Castor beans.

Posted by: Dishman at February 10, 2003 11:25 PM

Ny most recent entry for the "Day of Poetry Against the War."

"Beans, beans
The magical fruit
The more you eat
The more we shoot
The more we shoot
The quicker he's done
So let's go shoot
Saddam and son!"

Ooh-ooh, teahcer...Did I win? Did I win?

Posted by: John Lemon at February 10, 2003 11:41 PM

In case you caught the spelling error above, just realize that I was the product of publik skuls. Sorry.

Posted by: John Lemon at February 10, 2003 11:42 PM

I just submitted my "Beans, Beans" poem on the website linked to my name. I STRONGLY URGE everyone to submit a poem or two or three there. Sadly, they don't want "pro-war" poems. So much for liberal diversity. Excuse me, I meant to say "progressive diversity." Anyways, I consider my poem to be anti-war. By killing Saddam quickly, we spare future wars in the Middle East.

Oh, and you have to read some of these poems. These people can't even rhyme!!

What if they held a poetry contest and nobody rhymed?

Posted by: John Lemon at February 10, 2003 11:49 PM

I posted a poem and copied it here for everyone's viewing pleasure....
oh and incase you don't know... it isn't anti-war - but they probably will think it is...

Posted by: h3lx at February 11, 2003 09:56 AM

What a "moo"-velous plan!

Those wily Frenchmen (I almost hate to reveal their secret plan) have given them cows infected with MadCow disease, making them MMD's (Mammals of Mass Destruction). Now that the French have gotten into "good graces" with Saddam, they have supplied Hussein with a chef who will cook up the sweetbreads into a sweet revenge.

After eating the cow brains on a half-skull, Hussein will go mad and outlaw the production of WMD's, ushering in a period of peace and prosperity. Oooops, he just passed the law, so it looks like the brain supper has had it's desired effect!

Posted by: MarcV at February 11, 2003 09:59 AM

John Lemon...I just did a search on the site and checked all the "L"s. Your name and poem weren't there. They must have taken it off. That's the left for you...they are real opponents of free speech in our country. It's sickening to think of our young men and women willing to give their lives to protect their freedom to deprive you of your freedom.

Posted by: Robert at February 11, 2003 04:01 PM

You are so correct. I sent them lots of poems about ideological diversity, but none of those made it either. Fortunately, each had a different pseudonym and email, so at least they had to waste their time reading them. ...and probably get annoyed too.

Now you may be saying, "but wait, aren't you wasting your time?" As an economist, I've calculated my utility and determined that the chuckles I get from doing this outweighs the few minutes I spend at midnight. It is a good break from writing.

John Lemon

Posted by: John Lemon at February 11, 2003 07:07 PM

i fixed the link - so no searching needed - sorry....

Posted by: h3lx at February 12, 2003 04:19 PM

No h3lx, I don't think that they'll get it - I hope you win, that would be great!

Posted by: jh at February 13, 2003 05:19 PM

Where have all the hippies gone
Gone to professorships every one
That's why we'll never learn
That's why we'll ne-ver learn.

Where have all the liberals gone
Gone to punditry every one
That's why we always rant
That's why we al-ways rant.

Where do disbarred felons go
Off to Euro every one
When will they ever learn
When will they ev-ver learn!

Where have all us people gone
Gone to talkradio every one
That's why we'll always learn
That's why we'll al-ways learn!

Posted by: gramma jay at February 19, 2003 09:22 PM
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