Top Headlines...
:: Dean: Celebrate 2,000th Iraq Death with Dignity
:: Bush: Miers Views Not Clouded by Legal Scholarship
:: CNN Poll: Bush Would Lose Election or Be Arrested
:: Iraq Constitution Approval Another Setback for Bush
:: Sen. Coburn Offers Compromise 'Bridge to Everywhere'
:: NY Times Editor Vows Not to Be Distracted by Scandal
:: Exiled Rove Will Volunteer to Think for Bush
:: Spotlight on Miers' 'Inadequate and Insulting' Answers
:: Citing Privacy Right, Miers Rejects Roe Questions
:: Republicans to Cut Spending, Dems Back Abortion Ban
Scott Ott Premiere Speakers Bureau
Scott Ott Speaks
to Your Organization

November 01, 2004
Kerry: GOP Plans to Suppress Lawyer Turnout
by Scott Ott

(2004-11-01) -- In the closing hours of campaign 2004, John Forbes Kerry today charged the Bush-Cheney campaign with efforts to suppress the election day turnout of yet another minority group--America's trial lawyers.

Mr. Kerry said he's heard rumors that Bush-Cheney operatives plan to stage a series of minor automobile accidents in battleground states hoping to draw lawyers away from the polls.

"Whether it's African-Americans, Hispanics or America's trial lawyers, we need to ensure that these oppressed minorities get to the precincts tomorrow," said Mr. Kerry. "My fellow attorneys, don't let your compassion for the injured sway you from your duty to the nation."

The Democrat candidate said his campaign would send teams of volunteers door-to-door in predominantly-lawyer neighborhoods, office buildings and Starbucks coffee shops offering a limo rides to the polls and "generous packages of free cell phone minutes."

As Mr. Kerry then directly addressed his "brothers in law," his voice choked with emotion: "You are America's frontline freedom fighters and we need you at your assigned posts to make sure that this election isn't spoiled simply because our supporters are unregistered felons with no identification who come to the wrong polling place and can't read or punch a chad."

Democrat vice presidential candidate John Edwards dramatically echoed his runningmate's plea: "There's a voice crying out to you from inside the precinct. As she looks at the congressional candidate choices, she says, 'I'm fine.' When she considers the senatorial choices, she says, 'I'm having a little trouble, but I'm doing OK.' But when she gets to the presidential decision she says, 'I'm having problems. I need out.'"

Donate | More Satire | Printer-Friendly |
Email this entry to: Your email address:
Message (optional):