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Scott Ott Premiere Speakers Bureau
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November 02, 2004
Exit Polls Show 100 Percent Turnout, All for Bush
by Scott Ott

(2004-11-02) -- Early exit polling, even before precincts had opened on the east coast, shows that today's voter turnout will be 100 percent of those registered, and all voters enthusiastically support the Bush regime.

"His popular support rivals Saddam Hussein, Fidel Castro, Kim Jong Il and his close friend King Fahd," said an unnamed spokesman for the United Nation's election monitoring team. "Some people are literally marking their ballots with their own blood to show their devotion to this dear leader."

Under the Constitution of the United States, any natural born citizen over age 35 may seek the presidency. However, President George Bush enjoys such massive popular support that none oppose him. Of course, it's hard to oppose the man whose leadership brought oil-rich Iraq into the growing family of U.S. protectorates, thus driving fuel prices down to levels not seen since the 1960s.

Journalists nationwide marvel at the love President Bush engenders among all sectors of the populace, especially among journalists.

"We have just the right amount of freedom in this land to write things for the good of the people," said an unnamed editor at The New York Times. "And yet, President Bush has not allowed so much freedom that we might hurt ourselves. It's comforting to know that he cares for us like this."

A spokesman for the Bush regime said the overwhelming support for the president's policies, and for him personally, gives him "a mandate to lead, legislate and adjudicate until the next time he decides to schedule a presidential election."

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