(2002-09-18) — The publisher of The New York Times announced a new charitable venture today called “Plug the Dignity Gap.” The campaign, sparked by a recent Thomas Friedman column, will eliminate Islamic terrorism by providing young angry Muslims with all the trappings of Western culture.
In a full page advertisement, Times publisher Arthur Ochs Sulzberger, Jr., wrote, “We’re going tap the largesse of a great demographic slice of America, our readers, and provide these young religious men with fine homes, sophisticated entertainment devices, fast cars, inspiring liquors and mellow cigars. We will plug the ‘dignity gap’ and thus put an end to terrorism in our times.”
“We know that radical Islam is not the problem,” said Sulzberger, “although every nation ruled by it is an incredible sewer of human despair and a well-spring of visceral anger. The real problem is that we Americans have all the good toys even though we cling to the admittedly-inferior Judeo-Christian worldview.”
Friedman acknowledged in his column that closing the dignity gap could be a decades-long project doomed to failure, but Sulzberger added, “that’s never stopped us from advocating an entitlement program before. Money can’t buy you love, but it can purchase a whole pile of dignity.”

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