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Swiss Guard Ready to Repel U.S. Invasion of Vatican City

by Scott Ott · No Comments

(2002-11-10) — As ordinary Roman Catholics begin to call for more freedom to govern their local parishes, U.S. President George Bush has ruled out a military strike against Vatican City…for now. But the elite Swiss Guard which protects the Vatican is making preparations to defend the Apostolic Palace.
“We’re still hopeful that the Pope and the elite rulers of the Roman Catholic Church will respond to peaceful negotiations,” said White House spokesman Ari Fleischer. “We’re amazed at how the Vatican has kept its hold on power for hundreds of years as Roman Catholics around the world pour in the money yet have little voice in the governance of their own churches. The Pope seems to be a benevolent dictator, but like all dictators he must eventually answer to the will of the people.”
Fleischer added that since church members give money to the ruling hierarchy but don’t have a vote, “it reminds me of what started the American Revolution-taxation without representation.”
Strategists at the Pentagon are already considering options for dealing with the Swiss Guard that has successfully defended Vatican City since 1505.
A spokesman for the Swiss Guard, a force 100 men strong, said he and his men were not intimidated by “the bellicose banter of Mr. Bush and his minions. If they attack, it will be the Father of all battles, and we will repel the heathen.”

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Tags: Media/Journalism