SCRIPT FOR TODAY’S PJ NEWS BREAK WITH SCOTT OTT, FRESHLY-RIPPED FROM HIS TELEPROMPTER

SCOTT OTT: It’s Monday, March 19th, 2012, and this is news.

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Mitt Romney completed his sweep of U.S. territorial islands by winning the Puerto Rico primary in a landslide on Sunday.
Tuesday, he’ll face off against his main opponent, Rick Santorum, in Barack Obama’s adopted home state of Illinois. Santorum on Sunday said America needs more than Romney’s self-proclaimed business management skills to turn around this economy.

Meanwhile, Romney introduced a new plan to downsize the United States, spinning off New York and California, reducing Congress to a nine-member board of directors, and replacing the Smithsonian Museum, the National Archives and NASA with ninety-nine cent iPad apps.

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President Obama this week will take a 5,000 mile two-day trip aboard Air Force One, visiting four states to tout his energy policy. According to TheDailyCaller.com, the trip will burn more than 25,000 gallons of jet fuel. A White House spokesman said the president HAD planned to make the trip using renewable wind power, but during a test run by the Secret Service, solar power unexpectedly melted the wax that held the wings together.

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Breaking a promise to halt development of long-range ballistic missiles, North Korea said it plans to go ahead with an April rocket launch intended to place a satellite into earth orbit. A spokesman for the communist dictatorship said the rocket is strictly for peaceful purposes, the first step in a planned North Korean Moon mission.

The government hopes to alleviate North Korea’s famine by harvesting the Moon’s abundant supply of edible cheese.

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Brian Lamb, the creator of C-Span will step down from his chief executive role in April, after 33 years of leading the cable channels that broadcast sessions of the U.S. House and Senate. A White House spokesman credited him with creating the reality TV genre. However, Lamb rejected the praise, saying, “Everyone knows C-Span broadcasts sessions of Congress.”

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And finally today, the Bangkok billionaire who created the caffeinated energy drink Red Bull died Saturday in Thailand. During a private funeral service, the late octogenarian, briefly jumped from the casket, greeted the guests, delivered his own eulogy, placed the casket in the hearse, and drove rapidly to the cemetery, before falling suddenly back into the casket just in time for burial.

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For PJ News Break, I’m Scott Ott. Click on PJTV dot com at least three times today for your antidote to the obsolete media.

PJ News Break YouTube Channel

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