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Qaeda Court to Grant Beheadees Habeas Corpse Writs

by Scott Ott for ScrappleFace · 30 Comments · · Print This Story Print This Story

(2008-06-13) — As a goodwill gesture in the wake of the U.S. Supreme Court’s 5-4 decision to grant writs of habeas corpus to detainees at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, al Qaeda today announced it would grant its beheadees what it called “writs of habeas corpse.”

Under the Supreme Court’s Boumediene v. Bush ruling (PDF), an enemy combatant facing trial before a military tribunal can now petition a U.S. court for a writ of habeas corpus allowing him to challenge his detention in a civilian U.S. court, essentially granting him the rights of an American citizen.

The Qaeda court, however, lacking a large number of detainees, said it would allow any of its beheadees to petition for the right to appear in an Islamic Court.

“We feel this is even more generous than the unilateral U.S. decision,” said an unnamed Qaeda Court spokesman, “because we’ll actually issue two writs for each beheadee to assure the court has his undivided attention.”

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Tags: Law · U.S. News

30 responses so far ↓

  • 1 woodnwheel // Jun 13, 2008 at 2:07 pm

    Something about the phrase “undivided attention” just seems so wrong, yet I love it! :)

  • 2 woodnwheel // Jun 13, 2008 at 2:09 pm

    P.S. The phrase “habeas corpse” is priceless :)

  • 3 Qaeda Court to Grant Beheadees Habeas Corpse Writs » Pursuing Holiness // Jun 13, 2008 at 2:35 pm

    [...] Good news: As a goodwill gesture in the wake of the U.S. Supreme Court’s 5-4 decision to grant writs of habeas corpus to detainees at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, al Qaeda today announced it would grant its beheadees what it called “writs of habeas corpse.” Do any teenage girls use the internet? [...]

  • 4 always right // Jun 13, 2008 at 2:36 pm

    Too stunned to make light of this Boumediene decision. Even after 24 hr.

    But Master ScrappleFace scratched it just right. Beheadees and Harbeas Corpse, indeed!

  • 5 gafisher // Jun 13, 2008 at 3:12 pm

    “… lacking a large number of detainees …”

    Thanks to Boumediene v. Bush we may have to switch from detaining to stopping.

    wv - weather One - Bill Ayers’ airplane.

  • 6 MajorDomo // Jun 13, 2008 at 3:16 pm

    If you ask me, at least five of the Supreme Court justices have been beheaded already. At least they have been relieved of their brains.

  • 7 MajorDomo // Jun 13, 2008 at 3:18 pm

    The law of unintended consequences says that soldiers will avoid taking prisoners in the future. They’ll just shoot ‘em on the battlefield. Now will the dimbulb justices rule that killing enemy soldiers in battle deprives them of their rights?

  • 8 GOOD NEWS FROM THE al-QAEDA COURT | Democrat=Socialist // Jun 13, 2008 at 3:19 pm

    [...] by Bookmarkify™ More »Good news thanks to Pursuing Holiness and ScrappleFace: As a goodwill gesture in the wake of the U.S. Supreme Court’s 5-4 decision to grant writs of [...]

  • 9 Ms RightWing, Ink // Jun 13, 2008 at 3:22 pm

    Scott, I did feel like I was in great form today with my comments on the last two pages, but I give up.

    You move at the speed of light. Me, well I move, but there is no way to measure
    slow-only speed can be measured. When was the last time someone was arrested for breaking the slow limited.

    Oh well, no sense loosing one’s head over that.

  • 10 DrivebyMeteor // Jun 13, 2008 at 4:09 pm

    R. I. P. , Mr. Russert.

  • 11 Libby Gone // Jun 13, 2008 at 4:39 pm

    Yes my condolences to the Russert family. May you rest in peace and know you are respected sir.

  • 12 da Bunny // Jun 13, 2008 at 4:47 pm

    SCOTUS has joined forces with the CA Supremes in making up their own laws as they go along. There’s nothing “supreme” about people who cannot win in the arena of ideas forcing their pet liberal issues on the rest of us through activist courts. “Subversive” is more accurate.

    Didn’t much like Tim Russert, but I’m sorry to hear of his passing. May God comfort his family in their grief.

    OT…a great article from my favorite local TV weatherman, who also founded “The Weather Channel:”

  • 13 Libby Gone // Jun 13, 2008 at 4:48 pm

    Scott, This is truly a side of you I don’t think I expected, no offense. I think it’s funny as all get out. However I know there are those who will nitpick the concept, as those do my bands lyrical content.
    That being said, If it wakes up one person to the total hypocrisy of the Court’s ruling, then is not some dark satire relevant?
    I think so.

  • 14 Darthmeister // Jun 13, 2008 at 5:36 pm

    I don’t think this SCOTUS ruling is anything to lose one’s head over. However, there must be great rejoicing in the jihadist world.

    Just read where Tim Russert passed away suddenly at 58. Even the liberal media admits Mr. Russert was a “Democratic operative” turned journalist. Despite that reality, I still respected and actually liked the guy. He even made libtards squirm at times.

    Despite all the left-wing baggage he carried as a journalist, I really saw attempts on his part to be as fair and impartial as can be expected of someone steeped in the warped worldview of liberalism. Hope he was squared away with the Great God and Savior of Universe. Another example of how no man knows the time or hour of his death … unless one is on death row.

  • 15 Darthmeister // Jun 13, 2008 at 5:42 pm

    Hmmmm, when it comes to jihadist “justice”, I’m sure every infidel gets a fair trail before they’re beheaded.

  • 16 Darthmeister // Jun 13, 2008 at 5:56 pm

    The Muslim Persecution of Christians.

    The outrage which seems to outrage no one … particularly secular liberals.

  • 17 gafisher // Jun 13, 2008 at 9:01 pm

    After seven years of President Bush, our competent, dedicated and underappreciated troops, the Surge, and the cooperation of the Coalition of the Willing, the largest concentration of members al Qaeda can claim in the whole world is in Gitmo. (They’re also the only ones not suffering from malnutrition, sleepless nights and lack of access to an Imam, but that’s a whole ‘nother issue.)

    Hey, now that the Supremes have declared Guantanamo to be sovereign US territory, can we finally stop making those lousy lease payments to the Castro government?

  • 18 Fred Sinclair // Jun 13, 2008 at 10:17 pm

    “borrowed” worthwhile comment from another blog”

    “VIP is a Washington, D.C., group hired by national Democrats to register some 70,000 new voters in advance of the presidential and other federal elections this fall.” Is this ABC affiliate afraid or too PC to go the extra step and accurately identify VIP!?!?!? HERE’S THEIR WEBSITE: NOTE VIP = “Muslim American Society Voting Is Power”. They are a moderate front organization for the Muslim Brotherhood and are officed in the infamous Wahabi Corridor outside of Washington. I wonder why a Muslim organization with links to the Muslim Brotherhood is hired by the Democratic National Party. I wonder why Barack Obama is the choice of Hamas. There are concerns about the triumphalist political aspect of the Muslim faith which are incompatible with Western religious pluralism. Following WWII, shintoism had to be purged of Emperor worship. Is it possible to separate Islam from Islamist triumphalism based upon the words and deeds of Mohammed? Like Europe, we are wishfully hoping that embracing multiculturalism will in some manner make us immune from conquest. As is happening in “Eurabia” and “Londonistan”, the populations of Europe are awakening too late to their invasion and conquest by Islam! Multiculturalism is a devaluation of Western Values and is an open door to Islam as a non-pluralistic, politico-religious triumphalist movement. Whether through violent or economic means, losing our identity in submission to this minority will prove our national undoing. The fault is not with Islam. The fault is our losing our traditional Biblical moorings, the foundation upon which our republic was built!

  • 19 Fred Sinclair // Jun 13, 2008 at 10:19 pm


  • 20 mindknumbed kid // Jun 13, 2008 at 11:56 pm

    Happy Friday the thirteenth everybody! It’s my lucky day, nothing has happened on it so far, but you never know what might be fixin’ to occur! Perhaps the notification of winning the big sweepstakes was delayed due to the fact that they couldn’t find Whyoming on the map.
    My ma and pa, brother and sister are flying out here on the 4th of July. I was hoping to get some time off work while they visited, but two out of three fellow employees and my immediate supervisor have all left the company in the past three weeks. Not getting to spend much time with my family during their visit had me considering a new job too, here in Gillette if you want to change jobs it is quick and easy to do, employers are begging for workers and most everyone is understaffed. Main thing stopping me from moving on is health insurance for my little Type 1 diabetic child, and the fact that I want to get 20 years in and have a decent retirement package. Another nice unofficial benefit of this job is a fellow is giving us a half of a hog, all dressed out to our specifications. I still have some of the last 25 lbs he gave me a couple months ago. A four day work week with every weekend and Wednesday off is hard to beat too. With the gas prices and such, I don’t know why there aren’t more employers going to a four day work schedule.
    Prayers for the Russert’s tonight, I didn’t like his politics, but he seemed to be a decent fellow otherwise.

    “Boast not thyself of tomorrow, for thou knowest not what a day may bring forth”
    I may not have that word perfect, but the message is the same.
    I wonder if I’ll get some moderation tonight?

  • 21 mindknumbed kid // Jun 13, 2008 at 11:58 pm

    push 2

  • 22 Fred Sinclair // Jun 14, 2008 at 2:04 am

    I’ve been hearing a lot about “If Obama is elected, he will be America’s first ‘black’ president.”
    The fact is that it’s a bold, bare faced lie. He is not black; he’s not even a negro.
    If Obama is elected, he will not be the first black President of the United States; he will be the first ‘mulatto’ President of the United States. He has a caucasian mother and a negro father.

    I don’t hear the word negro a lot these days except for “United Negro College Fund”. I don’t even hear colored people very much either except for “National Association for the Advancement of Colored People” (NAACP)

    mulatto |m(y)oŏˈlätō; -ˈlatō| dated
    noun ( pl. -toes or -tos)
    a person of mixed caucasian and negro ancestry, esp. a person with one caucasian and one negro parent.
    relating to or denoting a mulatto or mulattoes.
    ORIGIN late 16th cent.: from Spanish mulato, from Arabic-muwallad ‘person of mixed race.’

    quadroon |kwäˈdroōn|
    a person whose parents are a mulatto and a caucasian person and who is therefore one-quarter negro by descent.
    ORIGIN early 18th cent. (earlier as quarteron): via French fromSpanish cuarterón, from cuarto ‘quarter,’ from Latin quartus; later assimilated to words beginning with quadri- .

    octoroon |ˌäktəˈroōn|
    noun historical
    a person whose parents are a quadroon and a caucasian person andwho is therefore one-eighth negro by descent.
    ORIGIN mid 19th cent.: from octo- [eight,] on the pattern of quadroon.

    These words apparently have fallen victim to ‘political correctness’ since the MSM never refers to B. Hussein Obama as being potentially “America’s First Mulatto President”.

    Heirborn Ranger

  • 23 Fred Sinclair // Jun 14, 2008 at 2:05 am

    push 3

  • 24 gafisher // Jun 14, 2008 at 1:18 pm

    Fred Re#22: don’t let the segregationist Left drag you into their name-calling. If Obama is elected, he’ll be an American President. All those phony race designations are evolutionist nonsense. We Conservatives look at the content of a person’s character, not the color of their (or their ancestors’) skin.

  • 25 Fred Sinclair // Jun 14, 2008 at 2:00 pm

    gafisher #24 - There is no “name-calling” intended, implied or sanctioned.
    My point (and I didn’t think I was unclear) was that it’s the MSM that are consistently referring to him as “black” and he isn’t, by any stretch of the imagination. He never has been and he never will be.

    I also object to any form of so called Hyphenated-Americans. If I went around calling or referring to myself, (due to my long, departed ancestors having been Scottish-Britons -Irish Britons - English Britons and Germans) as a “European - American”, I would be considered nuts, certifiably whacko. I was born in America and am an American.

    Heirborn Ranger

  • 26 Fred Sinclair // Jun 14, 2008 at 2:02 pm

    push 4

  • 27 Fred Sinclair // Jun 14, 2008 at 2:03 pm

    push 5?

  • 28 gafisher // Jun 14, 2008 at 10:25 pm

    Fred, I understand your point and agree; mine is that the whole issue is phony, meant (by the Left and “its willing accomplices in the Press”) only to divide. The Constitution sets very strict racial standards for the Presidency — only members of the human race qualify. Beyond that and a few age and citizenship requirements, the President must by all means avoid being identified as “for” or “of” one part of America and “against” or “above” another. Our best Presidents, in their best moments, were able to earn the respect of their political opponents as well as of their natural constituency.

    One of the most destructive tendencies in our Democracy is the promotion and acceptance of the idea that America consists of subgroups, each of which can be properly represented only by one of its own. The Left knows this is our Achille’s heel; we can’t let them get away with it.

  • 29 Beerme // Jun 15, 2008 at 10:09 am

    Happy Father’s Day, ScrappleDads!

  • 30 Midnight Links : Stop The ACLU // Jun 18, 2008 at 12:27 am

    [...] Ban On Offshore Drilling Tomorrow Democracy Project: Could Dems Be Cursing the ACLU? Scrappleface: Al Qaeda Court to Grant Beheadees Habeas Corpse Writs Doug Ross: Hi John McCain, This is Alex Patterico: Irony Alert! AP attacks Blogs for Quoting their [...]

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