ScrappleFace: Planets Begin to Orbit Around Jayson Blair

Planets Begin to Orbit Around Jayson Blair

(2003-05-21) -- Astronomers expressed shock yesterday as the nine planets in our solar system were drawn into orbit around former New York Times reporter Jayson Blair.

Mr. Blair, in an interview with the New York Observer, said he wasn't surprised by the planetary re-alignment, but that people didn't understand the real reasons behind it.

"No matter what you read in the papers, don't believe it," he said. "You'll have to wait for my soon-to-be-released book before you can really grasp how central I am to the functioning of the known universe."

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First!!!

Posted by: gymply at May 21, 2003 07:54 AM

Now that that's out of the way......

This must really be a blow to W. J. Clinton. He's used to being the center of gravity for the universe.

Posted by: gymply at May 21, 2003 07:56 AM

If, as some cosmologist theorize, the physical universe in a complex closed curved space (kind of like a Klein Bottle) then any point in the universe is at its center. If you travel far enough in a straight line, you wind up back where you started from.

Ingestion of certain psycho-active chemicals make it easier to understand and visualize this concept.
Be sure to have plenty of Oreos on hand, though.

Posted by: some random guy at May 21, 2003 09:10 AM

gymply- Like your correlation bwtween "blow" and Clinton.

Posted by: mikey at May 21, 2003 09:49 AM

Allow me to update :

This must really be a(nother) blow to W. J. Clinton. He's used to being the center of gravity for the universe.

Posted by: gymply at May 21, 2003 09:57 AM

Whlie the planets may orbit around Jason Blair, said Michael Moore. He doesn't have his own zip-code like I do. So there Jason Blair.

Posted by: Mike S at May 21, 2003 10:38 AM

........all of this confirming that the universe has a rich, chocolatey center.

Posted by: Lynch Family Cat at May 21, 2003 10:55 AM

Does that mean that Michael Moore, being planet-sized, revolves around Jayson Blair?

That would explain some of Planet Moore's ideas

Posted by: ILIA at May 21, 2003 12:22 PM

Michael Moore may have his own zip code, but Ted Kennedy has his own gravity. He is the black hole of alcoholic drinks.

Posted by: tired of whiners at May 21, 2003 02:19 PM

(you'll have to imagine the music and sweeping hand gestures)

When the mooooon (_._) is in the 7th house. And Jayson Blair aligns with Mars...

Then peeeeeeace will guide our planet. And LUUUUUUUUUUUUUU- uve will fill the stars.

This is the dawning of the Age of the Credulous...Age of the Credulous....

THE CREDULOUS! THE CREDULOUS!

Posted by: The 5th Dimension at May 22, 2003 10:37 AM

(continue imagining music and hand gestures..)

Leeet the Sun hire him.

The Suu-un hire him..

Posted by: 5Th Dimension BGV's ( back grnd vocals) at May 22, 2003 11:17 AM

And we all know where Slick Willie's center of gravity is...

Posted by: Ken Stein at May 22, 2003 08:21 PM

I didn't know that Jason Blain was obese...

Posted by: Jack Ryan at May 22, 2003 08:40 PM

Jayson isn't obese, he is obtuse.

I think in the name of diversity the Times otta hire my two year old. He writes better, has greater clarity of thought and
... is less egocentric

Posted by: Fr. Guido Sarducci at May 23, 2003 08:50 PM

You know what? Right leaners and the scarce believers in journalistic credibility can p#ss and moan all they like but they logically have to agree that although the NYT is a momentary laughing stock this Jayson Blair cat WILL land on his feet.

Posted by: Troll through the tulips at May 26, 2003 02:48 AM

Yeah, the press will do just enough to get rid of the criticism, and then they'll go back to the same old crap as before.

Posted by: Ken Stein at May 26, 2003 07:01 PM