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February 24, 2003
Bush Rejects Saddam Debate, Offers Chili Cookoff

(2003-02-24) -- U.S. President George Bush today dismissed Saddam Hussein's invitation to debate, but the former Texas Governor challenged the Iraqi dictator to a chili cookoff.

Mr. Bush said he would meet the Mr. Hussein at a location of his choosing for a competition under the auspices of the International Chili Society.

"If you want to talk about a global organization that has my respect," he added, "There's none greater than the International Chili Society. They understand the importance of the rule of law."

Mr. Bush said he'll use the recipe that won the 2002 World Championship. It's called Warning Shot Chili.

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Mr. Hans Blix thought this was a dandy idea. But he warned Pres. Bush that Saddam is well prepared. "While inspecting one of Iraq's former weapons factories," Blix said, "I noticed that he had 200 tons of chili powder in industrial sized barrels." When pressed on the issue, Blix continued, "Saddam also told us he is perfecting a way of stewing the tomotoes in a series of high precision aluminum tubes."

When asked if how spicy his chile would be, Saddam replied, "About as hot as processed Sudanese uranium!"

Posted by: John Lemon at February 24, 2003 10:49 PM

Among Iraqis, Hussein is widely expected to win the chilli cook-off, thanks to his carefully-developed family recipe. Raved one enthusiast: "Oh, God, oh, god, the mustard [powder] -- it burns through the soul!" A Kurdish taste-tester eagerly noted that the portion he was about to try had been "marinated by Saddam himself!" As the man dissolved in agony from unknown causes, a nearby Republican guard commented casually, "that's Sarin-ated. Sarin-ated by Saddam himself." Asked to repeat his comments, the soldier only smiled and continued flaying the flesh from the shrieking infant of a political dissenter.


Posted by: Shlif at February 24, 2003 11:55 PM

Saddam was searching for the chem/gas-free chili. Having not found it, he opted to forfeit the first round in anticipation of greater things in the air in the critical second round.

Posted by: Carl at February 25, 2003 02:15 AM

The impending war will not be fought over terrorism, anthrax, VX gas, Saddam Hussein, democracy or the treatment of the Iraqi people. It is about OIL.

Posted by: Ronald Mc Donald at February 25, 2003 08:32 AM

Not hamburgers, Ron?

Posted by: John Lemon at February 25, 2003 10:14 AM

I rather liked the idea of a duel...I'd like to see what a .50 Desert Eagle would do at 10 paces.

Oh, the delicious irony.

Posted by: Rita at February 25, 2003 10:21 AM

Sending young men and women into battle is the most difficult decision a president can make.

But it's that much easier when you know what you're getting in return.

If I were Bush, I'd definitely do it if we could get the price of a gallon of Amoco Ultra Unleaded down to $1.19. Maybe even $1.21.

Anything higher would give me pause.But $1.21 is a great price for a gallon.

I would take a lot more weekend roadtrips if gas were that cheap. I might even upgrade to one of those Lincoln Navigators I've been seeing ads for on TV. That's a beautiful car.

Posted by: Abraham Lincoln at February 25, 2003 10:55 AM

Ron/Abe - Your moral authority has been ceded. If oil was the only answer, why not lift sanctions? Raid Venezuela? Open up the ANWF to drilling? It would be cheaper.
Must be something else at stake.

Posted by: CW at February 25, 2003 11:26 AM

Interesting...there seems to be a comment about OIL on every thread here... NOTE TO ANY MORON WHO STILL THINKS THE IRAQ CONFLICT IS ALL ABOUT OIL: That argument is a dead horse. We 'splained that one to y'all over a year ago. Perhaps you missed the President's little "Axis of Evil" speech? Missing class is no excuse; all homework must be completed within two days of returning to school. You have some objections regarding the source of the speech? Then find a source with access to the same or better levels of foreign intelligence, and refute the arguments properly. If you continue to persist in your refusal to learn the lessons, don't be disappointed when you earn an "F" (for fisking).

Posted by: jules at February 25, 2003 11:40 AM

Honest Abe,

Long live the glorious Marxist Revolution!!!

Rip Rowan

Posted by: Rip Rowan at February 25, 2003 11:43 AM

the current debate really is about oil - the French have a few billion owed to them from work on Saddam's various projects over the past decade. They're scared to death that if the Americans invade Iraq then the French involvement in Iraq's WMD programs will be discovered - and the billions in IOU's will be worthless. France needs Saddam to stay in power so that Iraq's oil fields can pump millions of barrels of oil to pay off the debt.

As far as an American rush to war, read the list of 18 existing UN resolutions regarding Iraq's WMD programs.

Rush to war my [foot].

Posted by: tom at February 25, 2003 12:17 PM


Posted by: John Lemon at February 25, 2003 01:14 PM

Note to all liberals that still comment on this site: YOU WILL BE SHOUTED OUT! This is a Conservative, pro-war (because it's necissary), anti-Saddam site. To all like Mr. McDonald, or (god forbid) John Robbins, don't bother commenting, because your idealist views don't reflect the real world, and your uneducated selves don't belong among us smart(erest) Conservs.

Posted by: Paul C. Tindall at February 25, 2003 01:43 PM

Oh Paul

let the 'its all about oilllll' crowd have their say. It's democratic and it's hilarious.

Note to Abe - you ripped off that 'oil for blood at $1.21 is a good deal' from the Onion. And I don't know how to break it to you, but,um, that's not a real paper. Well, at least as real as the Nation.

Posted by: madhulika at February 25, 2003 01:55 PM

The EXXON = GOOD/TOTAL = EVIL post above was NOT posted by the official John Lemmon (note the e-mail it is linked to). Don't think John is going soft here.

And this imposter could use a little bit of help with basic algebra. If GOOD/TOTAL = EVIL then
GOOD = TOTAL X EVIL. How Orwellian.

But since we know that Evil was also a motorcycle stuntman, we can substitute, thus:


And since Evil Kneivel appeared in the movie Earthquake with Lorne Greene, who also advertised for ALPO, one could rightly conclued from the imposter's logic that feeding your dog only ALPO is a good thing. QED.

Posted by: John Lemon at February 25, 2003 02:42 PM

Abe...I think your buddy Bill Clinton proved you wrong about the difficulty of sending men and women into battle. Remember when he was on the phone talking to a congressman about impending US military action, while Monica was on her knees under the desk?

Posted by: Robert at February 25, 2003 03:09 PM

I'm looking forward to taking my little guy over to Legoland in Denmark for our spring holiday. I doubt that I'll find anyplace where I can get a good bowl of chili...but I know one place where I'll stop in for a pizza:;=/ap/20030224/ap_wo_en_ge/eu_odd_denmark_war_protest_1

Posted by: Robert at February 25, 2003 03:38 PM

I hate to break it to all of you, but the peaceniks are right!

You should NEVER trade blood for oil. EVER. It is a very poor Lubricant and will destroy your engine!!!!!! Clearly this nefarious plot to replace a wonderful hydrocarbon with an inferior (albeit renewable) substitute must be stopped!

Posted by: Bob the Mechanic at February 25, 2003 06:24 PM

Renewable to a certain extent, mind you. To kill one's self for one's blood so one can drive one's car is a BAD (repeat: BAD) idea, whether blood is a good lubricant or not.

More at the half hour.

Posted by: Paul C. Tindall at February 25, 2003 06:49 PM

I see John Robbins is using alias's now, (i.e. Abe, Ronald McDonald, even using Mr. Lemon's moniker. That's the cowardly liberal way, when you're losing the argument, hide and take cheap shots. Speaking of losing an argument, Janeane Garafalo got her liberal, clock cleaned on Fox and Friends, Tuesday morning by Brian Kilmeade. I thought Garafalo was going to cry, she couldn't understand why someone, didn't treat her like her groupie staff does, and agree with everything she says. Funniest thing I ever saw. Kilmeade should replace O'Reilly!

Posted by: Susan Serin-Done at February 25, 2003 11:06 PM


The Garfalogologamagaboo interview was tremendous. It was obvious that she did her homework and had a number of talking points. It was funny seeing her get flustered. Sadly, though, I didn't think Kilmeade was that good. He tended to jump to different points alot rather than sticking to a single line of analysis. I think he scored some good debating points, but he never kept hitting the same blow for the k.o.

Posted by: John Lemon at February 25, 2003 11:42 PM

If you watch her closely, it appears she has fleas. Or perhaps feeling very French, has not showered in a few weeks. Or maybe the scratching was the way she shakes off reason that may be slipping through her skull.

Posted by: Pooke at February 26, 2003 02:55 PM

I'm not gonna yell at anyone here for spousing liberal ideology. We all have a right to voice our opinions.

I will say this, though, to Abe / Ron / whomever: Way to ruin a funny joke, man.


Posted by: Vyce at February 26, 2003 05:38 PM

I will shout at any moronic (yes, read moronic. To all the liberals, that means 'stoopid') Democrats who dare post on this site. If they can see the light, and realize that oil has NOTHING to do with this war, maybe then they can post. By the way, anyone seen an anti-liberal gun around? Or would a shotgun work?

Posted by: Paul C. Tindall at February 26, 2003 07:17 PM

This war can't be about OIL as Rep. Dennis Kucinich was called a liar by Richard Perle and a fool by syndicated columnist Richard Cohen for making that assertion. I wonder if the poor Richards would have similarly pillaried dear Dennis if he'd supplied the more precise reason: this is a war not just for Iraqi oil, but to lay the groundwork for the American Empire.

If you don't believe this, read the Bush Administration's National Security Strategy paper of last fall.

Posted by: Joe Public at February 27, 2003 10:33 AM

If Prez. Bush were to divulge all of the known reasons for taking out Saddam, it would compromise too many covert methods and informants that we have in place. Sometimes you just have to trust what the Commander and Chief has to say, but since trust is not an attribute the Liberals understand much less use, itís a hard concept for them to comprehend.

Posted by: Conundrum at February 27, 2003 10:41 AM

If people are too damn cowardly to face up to the real right vs. wrong reasons why a crazy despot like Saddam needs to be exterminated from the globe. Oil is a good enough reason. (It worked for Bush 41; wurx 4 me 2 )

An interesting thing happens when someone actually starts taking real responsiblity for anything. The Demo's don't understand it... everything is blamed on something else with them. The only responsiblity they and the liberal media take is to label it properly. ( i.e. politically correctly )

American resolve and ingenuity is the most mis-understood phenomenon in the world. We have tasted good chili.. and real freedom ! No going back for "US".

Posted by: Phrop Poet at February 27, 2003 01:05 PM

I agree that 1.19 to 1.21 would be a fair price for a gallon of gasoline in the future, but it's probably an optimistic price for a gallon of French wine in the next 60 to 90 days...

Posted by: zzebu at February 27, 2003 02:57 PM

What would be a good wine to go with Bush's Chili Beans.

I can see it now a buncha cowboys.. eating beans with littly pinky fingers held out and sipping a good French wine between bites.

That would make a good tradition.

Posted by: Phrog Poet at February 27, 2003 06:04 PM

Silly Phrog! Everyone knows that only beer goes with chili!
By the way, there is no "good French wine".

Posted by: zzebu at February 28, 2003 10:20 AM

Not true zzebu, I got a sweet-dry-white
one time from the Mercier Winery outside of
Paris.. that I think would go excellently
with Bush's Chilli Beans.

Posted by: Phrog Poet at February 28, 2003 01:05 PM

The idea that we can negotiate with Iraq, Al Qaeda, or any other murderous regime/country/'HollyLib' is not realistic. In order for two parties to negotiate, they both have to have something that the other desires.

The only thing these regimes/countries/'HollyLibs' want is for the U.S. to cese to exist in the way it does now. The more extreme of these also want our lives.

The bottom line is this - My Country is non-negotiable. So is my life. To think that there's some sort of passive way out of this mess is naive and dangerous. I will stand up and do whatever it takes to preserve THE GREATEST NATION IN THE WORLD and protect her from those who want to do her harm - both within and outside her borders....
SO HELP ME GOD (y'hear THAT 9th District???)

Posted by: Javawidget at March 4, 2003 10:20 PM
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