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February 20, 2003
Gephardt Insists He's Really Running for President

(2003-02-20) -- Rep. Dick Gephardt, D-MO, whose leadership is credited with securing Republican control of Congress, insists he is really running for President.

An overnight poll shows that 73 percent of Americans believe the Gephardt announcement story originated on "one of those satire web sites." The other 27 percent think Mr. Gephardt declared his candidacy "just to get media to show up at his press conference."

But the candidate himself insists, "I'm really running...really."

Experts now estimate the number of Democrat presidential candidates is "into the double digits." The federal government printing office has reportedly run out of exploratory committee paper forms and is scrambling to print more.

Political pundits acknowledge that among the flock of Democrat candidates, Mr. Gephardt could be a front runner, "if he can overcome his high name recognition."

by Scott Ott | Donate | | Comments (18) | More Satire | Printer-Friendly
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Today's episode of "Crossing Over w/ John Edward", had to be edited because as Mr. Edward was about to make contact with Mr. Ziffel's dead hog "Arnold", the ghost of Hubert Horatio Humphrey cut in and declared HE, was also a candidate for President! Humphrey's ghost declared, "I have a better chance to win than the sorry batch the Dem's have come up with! My running mate will be Richard Milhouse Nixon, because with his dishonest tacics, today he would be considered a Democrat!"

Posted by: Susan Serin-Done at February 20, 2003 07:38 AM

Dolly's New Clone running for President

Political pundits acknowledge that, as the sheep's "mind" has been downloaded into a recently-cloned sheep, Dolly reincarnated could be a front runner among the flock of Republican candidates.

Posted by: A Frenchman at February 20, 2003 07:43 AM

Gephardt running for President, after being a BIG part in the butt-whippin' the Dem's took in the election, (only 3 months ago), shows that Missouri truly IS the "show me state!" In Gephardt's case, maybe we should add, "Because I'm too IGNORANT to see, I'm MOST of the problem!"

Posted by: Pepe LeP.U. at February 20, 2003 07:50 AM

The "FrenchBOY" would like people to think Dolly was cloned, I have another theory that Frenchie is actually Dolly's father! Hell, mix a Frenchboy, a bottle of cheap French wine, a sheep, and their motto, "We are lovers, NOT fighters!" and presto-----Dolly!

Posted by: Gay Paree at February 20, 2003 07:55 AM

Bash those Republicans frenchie. Don't you know Dem's hate you frog's as much as they do? Wee Wee!

Posted by: Gay Paree at February 20, 2003 08:02 AM

Frenchperson is a fake. He/she is just a sitepest who tries to make us think that he/she is a real French person. He/he is as fake as the party that he represents. Else why would he/she care about some minor person who is going to run for President? Fake, fake, fake.

Come on out and quit hiding behind your supposed French pride!

Posted by: Mikey at February 20, 2003 08:38 AM

Froggie is just upset because Dolly passed away
before he had a shot at her. Too bad Froggie!
Find your own Sheep. You Worm!

Posted by: Redfred at February 20, 2003 01:52 PM

Posted by: Just Me at February 20, 2003 03:12 PM

Posted by: makeadifference at February 20, 2003 05:54 PM

The Post of 'Some Small Town, SD' announced today that intern Terry Lewis was going to run for Democratic nomination. More at the half hour.

Posted by: Paul C. Tindall at February 20, 2003 06:22 PM

Breaking News: Barbara Streyesand just faxed Mick Gebhart his prezidental exceptance speach.

Also, I guess Martin Sheen is planning a run for president but wants clarification on whether his stint as President Bartlet means he only has one term remaining to serve.

All we are saying, is give Geb a Heart!

Posted by: John Lemon at February 20, 2003 06:45 PM

Well....I am from Missouri....and Gephardt sucks.

Posted by: Missourian at February 21, 2003 07:36 AM

Martin Sheen is hospitalized, but doing fine, and has announced he is now in FAVOR of an attack on Iraq. It seems Mr. Sheen has been the victim of a 20 plus, year "walking coma", brought on by some brown, (or tan), acid he took during the filming of "Apocalypse Now"! When told he had two sons, by two different women, he stated, "I wish I had been cohereant and been able to enjoy the sex! What,--------what do you mean, I'm not the REAL President?"

Posted by: Susan Serin-Done at February 21, 2003 07:51 AM

BREAKING NEWS:

Republican Trent Lott has filed papers to form an exploratory committee pursuant to seeking the Democratic nomination for President in 2004.

A spokesman for the Lott campaign, asked about the apparent conflict between Lott's affiliation and the Democrat party, stated, "Democrats have always been so grateful for the work of Senator Lott, he feels the time has come to give something back."

Lott issued his own statement on BET, stating that, after his recent revelations on the state of race, he would break from the Republican party altogether. "I simply cannot be a part of any party that would not support the University of Michigan affirmative-action program. Integration now, Integration forever!"

Lott further commented, "I got the idea of leaving the party from my old friend Strom Thurmond, who reminded me that he too bolted from his party over matters of race in America. If it was good enough for Strom, by golly it's good enough for me."

Overnight polling suggests Lott could be an early Democratic front runner, rating just ahead of "that one guy" and far ahead of "that other guy," with Gephardt coming in a distant fourth. However, Gephardt leaps into a virtual tie for first when poll respondents fail to recognize his name, photograph, or any part of his campaign platform.

Posted by: David Gulliver at February 21, 2003 05:14 PM

Gephardt announced today that the Democratic Party was much to liberal for him, and he would be joining the Libertarian Party for next years elections.

More at the half hour.

Posted by: Paul C. Tindall at February 21, 2003 06:27 PM

EXXON = GOOD / TOTAL = EVIL

Posted by: John Lemon at February 25, 2003 11:42 AM

Big Business acts as a lobbyist for the Republicans and the middle class consumer is left to pay the bill. During the writing of this book the republican controlled congress and the Republican President George Bush have plans to eliminate overtime pay for the middle class workers. Labor Unions cannot even survive anymore since their bargaining power is all but eliminated by Reaganís proposal to break the air traffic controllers union.
We do not live in a Democracy we live in a Republic modeled after the Roman Empire. Rome fell as a result of their inability to globalize their Empire. We are now at that very same point unfortunately We the People of These United States in order to survive in this New World Order must learn from the mistakes made in history and be groomed from the successes of our past. The time has come as that man said for me to speak out! The time has come to say all the economic theories have not accounted for Underemployment! The time has come for Corporate Executives to be paid a fair wage! The time has come for a Middle class revolt! The time has come to take an example of a revolt we must copy: the Honorable Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.ís walk in Memphis, Birmingham and Washington D.C.! The time has come we need to have affordable healthcare for the People young old and the mentally emotionally ill. Canadian healthcare should become an example to us in the U.S.A.! The time has come for Labor unions to be treated with the same equality as a CEO of any large conglomerate by the politicians we elect! The time has come that we should be a real Democracy one-person one vote. If we want to teach Democracy we must have it! Florida was an example to the world that We the People of these United States are not in charge of our elected officials. The time has come to outlaw and punish corporate fraud and allow all citizens a chance to life liberty and the pursuit of happiness! The time has come that all our children should be granted the same education as the children in India. We must excel as do they and copy their education system! The time has come that we have a judicial system where the guilty are put in prison first and the burden of proof of their innocence falls on the defense as in Germany. Criminal justice is just that justice for the criminal not the victim!
ìDemocracy is the greatest form of government to my mind that man has ever conceived, but the weakness is that we have never touched it. Isnít it true that we have often taken necessities from the masses to give luxuries to the classes? Isnít it true that we have often in our democracy trampled over individuals and races with the iron feet of oppression? Isnít it true that through our Western powers we have perpetuated colonialism and imperialism? And all of these things must be taken under consideration as we look at Russia. We must face the fact that the rhythmic beat of the deep rumblings of discontent from Asia and Africa is at bottom a revolt against the imperialism and colonialism perpetuated by Western civilization all these many years. The success of communism in the world today is due to the failure of democracy to live up to the noble ideals and principles inherent in its system.
And this is what Jesus means when he said: "How is it that you can see the mote in your brotherís eye and not see the beam in your own eye?" Or to put it in Moffattís translation: "How is it that you see the splinter in your brotherís eye and fail to see the plank in your own eye?" And this is one of the tragedies of human nature. So we begin to love our enemies and love those persons that hate us whether in ì Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. November 17 1957
19.
Allow me to take liberty with a great American moment for no one could have summed it up better than Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. but I insert middle class which has no reference to ethnic group but includes us as one people under God.

ìI am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation. [Applause]
Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of middle class who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of captivity.
But one hundred years later, we must face the tragic fact that the middle class is still not free. One hundred years later, the life of the middle class is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the middle class lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the middle class is still languishing in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. So we have come here today to dramatize an appalling condition.
In a sense we have come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men would be guaranteed the inalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the middle class people a bad check, which has come back marked "insufficient funds." But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. So we have come to cash this check -- a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice. We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of financial justice. Now is the time to open the doors of opportunity to all of God's children. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksandís of financial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood.î
I Have a Dream - Address at March on Washington
August 28, 1963. Washington, D.C.

20.


Posted by: Patrick at July 20, 2003 08:24 PM

I wish tomake a statement about same sex marriage and hope you will vote on an amendment that will honour marriage between a man and a woman. This is important because such deranged people will not stop if we don't do something soon. They might as well marrie their parent, abrother or sister or marrie multipal partners and call it civil rights. It is a reproach to the black people to compare this to the civil rights movement

Posted by: Melba Casteel at March 11, 2004 06:29 PM
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