(2007-12-08) — After learning that a campaign event had been booked at a non-unionized venue, Democrat presidential contender Sen. Barack Obama today announced an 11th-hour deal to avert picketing by the local union representing stage hands in exchange for the candidate’s personal pledge to observe union rules while at the arena.
The rally, featuring media star Oprah Winfrey, will be held at the Verizon Wireless Arena in Manchester, New Hampshire, where Local 195 of the International Alliance of Theatrical Stage Employees (IATSE, pronounced ‘Yahtzee’) has tried in vain for six years to organize and establish collective bargaining.
“Sen. Obama and his potential running mate both enthusiastically support any kind of union,” according to an unnamed Obama campaign spokesman, “Which is why Local 195’s proposal to refrain from disrupting this event in exchange for certain concessions doesn’t even feel like a heavy-handed threat, which of course is an unfair stereotype about organized labor. It was an offer we couldn’t refuse.”
As a result of the agreement with the union the candidate will observe the following…
– Sen. Obama’s speech will end five minutes before the top of the hour whether he has finished his script or not.
– If the audience demands completion of the speech, Sen. Obama will receive a standing ovation two and a half times the normal length.
– During the address, the Illinois Democrat will get two 15-minute breaks in a comfortably-appointed lounge with wide array of delicious, healthful, union-made snacks and beverages.
– If the podium should fall over or catch fire during his talk, he will step away from the location and wait for the arrival of people whose job description includes extinguishing or “perpendicularizing” podia.
– If any of the sound equipment might produce noise in excess of 92 decibels, Sen. Obama will wear OSHA-approved hearing protection of sufficient size to fully and comfortably enclose his substantial ears. The ear muffs will be provided by the arena owners and replaced immediately if they should become damp with perspiration.
– At least 113 percent of the combined clothing worn by Sen. Obama and Oprah Winfrey will carry the label of the International Ladies Garment Workers Union.
13 responses so far ↓
1 JamesonLewis3rd // Dec 8, 2007 at 7:43 am
God Bless America
2 JamesonLewis3rd // Dec 8, 2007 at 8:24 am
I would not be surprised if, in the end, there is a negative effect resulting from the Big O sticking her face in there and upgrading the BHO candidacy from sideshow to multi-ring, international (via satellite) circus (I wonder if, maybe, they’ll sing a duet or toss bowling pins back and forth to each other across the Center Ring or, better yet, both); not that it even matters, anyway.
I can’t wait to read the reviews.
3 Fred Sinclair // Dec 8, 2007 at 8:26 am
“perpendicularizing†WoW that is definitely one Supermalagaphlopshus word!
That’s even better than fantabulous or incredigible, which in and of themselves are pretty good. Good one Scott!
Heirborn Ranger
4 debass // Dec 8, 2007 at 11:16 am
And the undocumented workers union will be serving that unionized food and cleaning up after the big event. Stop picking on that scab. Someone has to do the job that Americans won’t do.
5 onlineanalyst // Dec 8, 2007 at 12:45 pm
I guess that’s the roll of the dice (IATSE, pronounced ‘Yahtzee’) when you owe your soul to the union label.
In other pandering news, Tax Hike Mike Huckabee has earned the approval of New Hampshire’s National Education Association as the Republican candidate of choice. Madame Hillary garners the honors for the Dems. (Tells you something, doesn’t it?) The affable Huckabee, who has the approval of a sycophantic MSM currently– Red flag! Red flag!– comes with the baggage of promoting a “Dream the Impossible Dream Act” for the children of illegals in his home state. (Buyers, beware of another dope from Hope.)
Meanwhile, the world breathed a sigh of relief to learn that Sean “Spicoli” Penn has announced his endorsement of Dennis Kuchinich.
Are we in a silly season, or what?
6 gafisher // Dec 8, 2007 at 3:57 pm
OLA Re#5: The surprise is not that Mike Huckabee supports education — the positive results in Arkansas speak for themselves — but that the NEA would support someone who actually accomplished something in public education.
7 gafisher // Dec 8, 2007 at 4:04 pm
“… OSHA-approved hearing protection of sufficient size to fully and comfortably enclose his substantial ears.”
Who’s the leader of the club
that’s made for you and me?
B-A-R A-C-K O-B-A-M…Æ
8 Beerme // Dec 8, 2007 at 5:44 pm
OLA,
What really surprises me is the fact that the NEA has a Republican candidate of choice…
9 Beerme // Dec 8, 2007 at 5:45 pm
Let my latest post show up or I’ll call my shop steward!
10 mig // Dec 8, 2007 at 6:58 pm
Hey she knows the difference between a book club and a refrigerator! Phew! Now I feel completley confident in supporting OramaBama!
11 debass // Dec 8, 2007 at 7:11 pm
perpendicularizing–I thought that’s what Viagra was for. Another union job lost to modernization. Where is Coyote?
Better living through chemistry.
12 Fred Sinclair // Dec 8, 2007 at 9:39 pm
ola -#5 You’re right about why they’re backing Huckabee. They’re scared spitless of Thompson who they deem to be the hardest to beat in the general election.
For Duncan Hunter (my personal choice) to win will take the direct intervention of God imself – somewhat along the lines of His parting of the red sea.
Heirborn Ranger
13 Darthmeister // Dec 8, 2007 at 10:11 pm
I wonder how big Oprah Winfrey’s carbon footprint is? It appears to me Oprah is trying to shamelessly pimp
OsamaObama to the American people. Hopefully the American people have the good sense to see through this sad charade. Obama is a total empty suit with virtually zero accomplishments to his name other than being quite expert in whoring himself to a bunch of brain-dead liberal lemmings who love to have their ears tickled with empty rhetoric.You must log in to post a comment.