| (2006-01-20) — Reclusive billionaire political entrepreneur Usama bin Laden, concerned about CNN’s ability to accurately translate his recently-released audiotape, today issued a full transcript on clay tablets inscribed with a bronze stylus. |
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In a three-tablet introduction to the transcript, the al Qaeda CEO rejected assertions by U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney and others that the terror organization has been hobbled, because “they didn’t have the ability to do anything on video,” but acknowledged that a “very cloudy day” had delayed the release of the sun-baked clay documents. Mr. Bin Laden, who insisted that the U.S.-led global war on terror has done nothing to hinder his “21st-century jihad”, said he prefers audiotape to video, not because he’s “cowering in caves, cut off from technology and frantically on the run 24/7, but rather so that the infidel can listen to my lectures in the car, at work or on the go.” “I could easily make a feature-length documentary if I wanted to,” he added. “But I think the unadorned human voice carries more impact than a video. If the infidel watches my lectures on TV, he may be distracted by the twitching of the beard, the linens on my head or the Kalashnikov at my side, and therefore miss the significance of my profound wisdom. With audiotapes and clay tablets, there’s more intimacy, fewer distractions.” The mastermind behind the 9/11 terror attacks, in which commandeered jumbo jetliners hit the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, said future speeches may be released on wax cylinders for phonograph or 8-track tapes, “depending on which of our contractors gets the bid.” |
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Bin Laden Releases Audio Transcript on Clay Tablets
by Scott Ott for ScrappleFace · 13 Comments · ·
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