(2008-05-09) — Just a day after Sen. Hillary Clinton told a reporter that she dominates presidential rival Sen. Barack Obama among less-educated white Democrats, the former First Lady announced she had garnered the crucial endorsement of the U.S. of KKKA, a non-profit liberal think tank “that works to advance certain traditional values.”

A spokesman for the little-known, but influential group, said its leaders had been on the fence about whom to endorse before a video surfaced in which Mr. Obama’s pastor, the Rev. Jeremiah Wright, made disparaging remarks about the organization.

Sen. Clinton, in welcoming the U.S. of KKKA backing, said, “Support from white Democrats, especially those who would never vote for a non-white candidate, has been the cornerstone of my campaign to date.”

“Let’s face it, there are white racists and there are black racists,” said Sen. Clinton. “But because whites outnumber blacks about 8-to-1, any candidate who wants the Democrat presidential nomination has to win the white-racist vote. In state after state, across this great land, I have demonstrated I can deliver.”

In an effort to extend an olive branch to black racists who currently support Mr. Obama, she added, “Of course, when I’m elected president, I’ll represent all racists equally, without regard to color or nation of origin.”

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(2008-05-08) — Sen. Barack Obama bolstered his standing as the Democrat presidential contender best able to defeat Republican rival Sen. John McCain today with what progressive pundits agree was a crippling attack on the Vietnam P.O.W.’s military service record.

Sen. Obama launched a “full frontal assault”, using “undeniable facts” from Sen. McCain’s recently released Naval records which he said demonstrate that the presumptive GOP nominee is “unfit to lead the kind of great nation America will become after we change it.”

“John McCain, the man who would be your Commander-in-Chief,” said Sen. Obama, “has some explaining to do. Why was he flying bombing missions over the innocent nation of North Vietnam? What did he do to garner such a shameful accumulation of commendations from the most violent, imperialist regime of the 20th century?”

In a powerful speech, full of rhetorical flourish and emotional impact, Sen. Obama listed what he called “a litany of damning evidence from John McCain’s misspent youth.”

• The Silver Star medal
• The Navy Commendation medal
• The Legion of Merit with a combat ‘V’ and one gold star
• The Distinguished Flying Cross
• A Bronze Art Medal with a combat ‘V’ and two gold stars,
• a total of 17 awards and decorations, not to mention the fact that he accepted the rank of captain from the leaders of this deplorable, war-mongering empire.”

A spokesman for the Obama campaign said the speech had definitively established Sen. Obama as “the antithesis of John McCain, giving Americans a clear choice in November.”

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(2008-05-08) — The success of radio talkshow host Rush Limbaugh’s ‘Operation Chaos‘ in helping Sen. Hillary Clinton edge out rival Barack Obama in the Indiana primary this week has spurred the former First Lady to move Mr. Limbaugh’s name to the top of the short list of potential running mates, according to sources.

Her campaign war chest running on empty, and trailing in the delegate count and popular vote, insiders said Sen. Clinton may be ready to take radical action to prove what she said when she announced her candidacy: “I’m in to win.”

Exit polling indicates that Mr. Limbaugh’s leadership in urging conservative Republicans to back Sen. Clinton may have been the decisive factor in her narrow Indiana victory, keeping her campaign alive to fight another day.

“Rush has demonstrated that he can deliver the votes in key swing states,” said an unnamed Clinton campaign staffer, “and the affection, some call it chemistry, between Rush and Hillary is undeniable. Pairing the two biggest political names of our generation would create an electoral juggernaut that would simply overwhelm John McCain in November.”

A spokesman for Mr. Limbaugh’s Excellence in Broadcasting (EIB) network declined to comment, citing “the sensitivity of ongoing negotiations.”

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(2008-05-07) — Sen. Hillary Clinton aborted her White House bid today blaming what she called a “vast mathematical conspiracy” that secretly works to keep women out of positions of power.

The former First Lady said she would return to the U.S. Senate and introduce legislation to help female presidential candidates “break through the math ceiling.”

Party insiders pressured her to pull out after Tuesday’s crushing defeat in the North Carolina primary and her surprisingly thin victory in Indiana.

“It’s beyond coincidence that Barack Obama has more votes, more delegates and more money than I do,” said a tearful Sen. Clinton at a news conference announcing her withdrawal from the race. “It would take a willing suspension of disbelief to think that I was forced out of this race because a majority of Democrats don’t want me to be president.”

“I’ve always heard that figures don’t lie,” she said, “but apparently they’ll do whatever it takes to crush the hopes and dreams of American women.”

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(2008-05-05) — Sen. Barack Obama admitted today that he stopped wearing an American flag lapel pin out of fear that friend and domestic terror group founder William Ayers would “step on my chest.”

The revelation comes after a photo of Mr. Ayers standing on the flag resurfaced from a 2001 article in Chicago Magazine.

“This guy ran the Weather Underground which declared war on the U.S.,” said Sen. Obama, “Bill Ayers conducted a campaign of bombings and riots before he helped me launch my first political campaign. With a resume like that, I’m not about to taunt him by wearing a flag on my lapel. I’d hate to have to explain the footprint to my dry cleaner.”

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Scott Ott, editor in chief of ScrappleFace.com, also writes non-satirical columns at Townhall.com. Below is an excerpt of his latest, with a link to read more.
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by Scott Ott for Townhall.com

America’s status as “the land of opportunity” can be proved by this single fact: Frank Rich gets paid to write columns for The New York Times.

In other nations, a man with no rationality, no moral perspective, no sense of justice nor fairness, would find it nigh on impossible to rise through the ranks to such a lofty perch. He might be able secure work as a mid-level propagandist for a communist regime or fascist dictatorship, but to parade in public as a man of thought and reason — one of a handful of opinion-shapers for “the paper of record” — would have to remain a dream if he didn’t possess the great gift of U.S. citizenship.

His Sunday, May 4, “Op-Ed” column in the Times (The All-White Elephant in the Room), for example, attempts to liken Sen. John McCain’s endorsement by a couple of TV preachers, with Sen. Barack Obama’s 20-year relationship with his pastor, the race-bating Rev. Jeremiah Wright.

Read the rest at ScottOtt.BlogTownhall.com

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(2008-05-03) — The potential takeover of Yahoo by Microsoft Corp. became such a big news story over the weekend that the phrase “Microsoft-Yahoo Merger” broke into the top 100 list of most-searched phrases on Google.com.

Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer, in an electronic mail letter to employees of the Sunnyvale, California, search engine firm, said: “With Yahoo’s brains and Microsoft’s cash we’re going to create so much buzz that it will almost be like Apple’s iPhone launch.”

Mr. Ballmer admitted that, “It’s hard to find analogies robust enough to encompass this historic moment — but it’s kind of like if General Motors took over the U.S. Postal Service. It’s a paradigm shift, a sea change. From now on, when you Google ‘innovation’ MS-Yahoo will be number one. We’re going to make the whole technology sector think different…to coin a phrase.”

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(2008-05-03) — With the nation on the verge of “a near-virtual likely recession”, The New York Times stopped selling advertising today in an effort to help readers conserve “what little money they have left.”

“We realized we were sending mixed messages,” said Times publisher Arthur Ochs Sulzberger, Jr., “Our reporters and columnists say ‘Economic disaster is upon us’, but our advertisers say ‘Spend, buy, borrow’.”

“Our integrity,” he said, “demands that either we stop reporting on predictions of a very-probable, possibly-imminent, almost-certain recession-like economy, or we stop encouraging people to buy stuff, take on debt and live it up as if the world were not practically about to end.”

The moratorium on advertising sales will continue at least through January 2009, Mr. Sulzberger said, when he anticipates a positive change in what he called “the chief economic indicator,” a housing benchmark determined by which political party controls the White House.

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