(2009-06-27) — Senate Republicans today introduced an “innovative alternative” to the 1,300-page cap-and-trade climate change bill which passed the House 219-212 virtually-unread Friday night as the nation sat transfixed by wall-to-wall coverage of the death of an iconic pop singer.
Supporters said the GOP-sponsored ‘Michael Jackson Energy Act’ will clear away a raft of environmental regulations that currently discourage construction of nuclear power plants, and will spark energy independence while reducing emissions of so-called greenhouse gases.
The 1,897-page Michael Jackson Energy bill includes more than a thousand pages of uninformed speculation about the cause of the performer’s death, gossip about the nature of his relationships with various adults and children, along with sweeping statements about his impact on the history of the world.
The bill includes a DVD tribute to Mr. Jackson, as well as dozens of before-and-after photos of his various bouts with cosmetic surgery. In addition, to a full-length foldout ‘Thriller’ poster, the bill contains several pages of language removing government-imposed barriers to the growth of a thriving private-sector nuclear energy industry.
“Although the substantive bipartisan opposition to the House cap-and-trade bill failed to capture the nation’s attention,” said Sen. Mitch McConnell, R-KY, “we’ve learned from our mistakes, and know how to present our alternative legislation in a way that will matter to the mainstream media.”
